The Contest in Konoha!
by I Have An Alter Ego
Summary: When you start a simple contest, be ready to expect insanity: a chibi Gaara who loves cookies! Tsunade being attacked! Sakura afraid of the dark! Who will succumb to the insanity? Everyone. WARNING: .CRACK FICTION.
1. The Contest Begins

Hi people Just to clarify some things:

1. The contests were for citizens under the age of 18.

2. Sasuke is in Orochimaru's hands

3. This is when they are all 15

4. I love Gaara.

5. Number four was irrelevant don't read it.

6. Note to self put five before four.

7.Um.. I forgot what I was going to say. So here the disclaimer:

I do not own the characters. If I did, let's just say things would happen…

* * *

It was 2 a.m. It was all peaceful. A few ninjas on night patrol nothing big.

"GOOD MORNING KONOHA!" Tsunade surprisingly enough was awake and not drunk at this hour. This boisterous noise woke up every single citizen of Konoha. The ninja thought it was an attack. The others just cussed in anger of being woken up.

"TODAY, WE ARE HAVING A CONTEST TO SEE WHO IS THE BEST IN A CERTAIN AREA! FOR EXAMPLE, WAKING UP THE EARLIEST!" Shizune walked into the Hokage's office and knocked Tusande unconscious.

"Sorry for the interruption. The actual contest begins **NEXT WEEK**. Sorry for the confusion, go back to bed."

When Tsunade woke up, she realized a thousand ninja were about to kill her. Freaked out, she locked herself up in her office for a week.

* * *

Next Week

* * *

It was again 2 a.m. It wasn't peaceful, because everyone was expecting Tsunade to wake them up again. She didn't and everyone got pissed off again, and Shizune took over the contest.

"Okay. Now we may start the REAL events. The rules are as follows: …" Everyone fell asleep.

* * *

Two Days Later

* * *

"Any questions?"

"Huh? Nani?" A loud blond: cough: Naruto :cough: was the first to wake up. Everyone woke up soon.

"Uh…never mind. So the first category is for the ladies. Who has the best hair?"

Millions of girls lined up but only two remained. One was Sakura and the other was Neji. He somehow wound up getting into this whole mess. Ino was getting pissed off that Sakura even got through while Ten-ten was pissed off that Neji beat her out of the position. She was supposed to be against Sakura until they saw Neji's hair. Neji won, but got the crap beaten out of him by Sakura. The other girls didn't get a chance because Sakura has super human strength.

"Uh….Okay. The next category is for anyone who has a large stomach."

Only Chouji and Naruto stepped up. Naruto had an evil grin on his face.

"Bring in the food!" Tray after tray after tray of Ramen came in. "What the-? Who ordered the food? NARUTO!" Naruto was then beat to a bloody pulp and Chouji was declared the winner by default.

* * *

Several Hours of Contests Passed.

* * *

"Okay. Now for our last category who has the best glare?"

Sasuke appeared out of nowhere. Neji came back from the dead. Naruto being an idiot volunteered. Gai came up with Lee. –

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"LEE!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

* * *

Several Hours later

* * *

"LEE!"

:gasps for air: "GAI-SEN.." Lee then passed out from lack of oxygen and water because the tears took eighty percent of the water in his body. The two were then hand-cuffed by the police who thought they were on crack. Did I say that? I meant the two left for the hospital in prison. I mean jail. I mean the crazy house. I mean…forget it.

Sakura then stepped up because she saw Sasuke. Ino followed to show she wouldn't lose to Sakura in anything (which by the way she already has.)

"Okay enough people. We don't want to scare the crap out of the citizens. Now do we? Now begin!"

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

* * *

Naruto got scared from all the glares and ran away.

* * *

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

* * *

Ino and Sakura then fell down from not blinking. : Cough: idiots : cough:

* * *

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

glare

* * *

It was now down to just Sasuke and Neji. They glared and glared while the audience was all white from all the glaring.

* * *

Two Hours Later

* * *

Sasuke fell asleep. Inner Neji spoke up 'My glare is so not boring! No matter what Hiashi says!'

"Um.. I guess this means Neji wins--!

Suddenly the master of glares, Gaara, comes and glares at Neji. Neji passed out along with many other people.

"Um… I mean Gaara of the desert is the winner of the best glarer in all of Konoha…?"

"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Gaara was very out of character. He suddenly disappeared.

"Okay..um… The awards will be awarded tomorrow at noon."

* * *

If you people want to know the results, then you must review and tell me if I should. Give me categories please! Winners I can make up. Categories, I need. Tell me if I should continue.


	2. Forgotten Flashback Bill

Hi people again!

I hired a narrator it is not a real person.

The narrator quit on me.

People are a bit OOC.

Pie

Note to self remove 4.

Disclaimer:

I don't own the characters. I owned the narrator but he quit.

* * *

It was the next day. Everyone was near the Hokage's office waiting for Shizune to post up the winners.

Shizune walked out and said, "I am sorry to inform you that Tsuande has spilled sake all over the results. The results will be announced tomorrow." Once again an angry and loud crowd came at Tsunade's door. Tsunade put down all the blinds and nailed the window shut.

"Aww…crap. Shizune!"

"Yes. Tsuande-sama."

"Can you get me enough sake to last for a month?"

"Uh…should I really give you that much? The last time we did that…" The world started to fade for a flashback but it stopped.

"Tsuande? Did you forget to pay the flashback bill?"

"Um.. no." Tsuande did an anime sweat drop.

"So you did!" Flames were now surrounding Shizune who was sick of paying Tsuande's debts and bills. "THAT'S IT!"

"I got to go somewhere that is not here…." Tsuande ran to a safe house where Naruto was still hiding from that glaring contest.

"Tsuande-baachan! Is it okay to come out now?"

Just then a stomping fire breathing Shizune who would be very out of character came out of nowhere.

"No. Let's try next week."

"Whatever you say, baa-chan."

* * *

Elsewhere

* * *

"YOU DID NOT BEAT ME! YOU HAVE NEVER BEATEN ME!" yelled a blonde who seemed pretty tweaked.

"Yes I did and when Shizune announces the winners and gives the awards. YOU'LL HAVE PROOF!" shouted an also tweaked pink haired girl.

"Why did you even try it was all too troublesome?"

* * *

Enough of that let's try another elsewhere

* * *

'Shoot. I knew I shouldn't have come to Konoha just for the stupid contest thing. Now I have ANBU after me….' Sasuke had one of those throbbing veins in his head. 'I didn't even win the stupid event…'

The anbu squad after him was catching up.

'Maybe if I…' Sasuke then turned into the Kazekage. "He went that way!" He pointed towards the bottom of a lake.

"Thank you, Kazekage. Let's go!"

'Wow…I didn't think they were fall for that….Naruto wouldn't have fallen for that…' Sasuke then did an anime sweat drop.

* * *

Okay...enough of that one...

* * *

"Guess what?" shouted a red head who was very out of character.

"What?" said his sister who was partially creeped out and freaked out and worried that he brother was happy.

"I won the contest for the best glarer in all of…"

"Suna was having a contest?"

"No! I was going to say in Konoha!"

"um…yay."

"BE MORE HAPPY!" Gaara said sternly. Gaara never yells ever.

"uh..have a cookie as a celebratory prize?"

"YAY! COOKIE!" he nearly killed his sister for a cookie.

* * *

Um…This one didn't work either…uh…time change to tomorrow

* * *

"GOOD MORNING--!"

* * *

Oops. Wrong direction. Let's go forward.

* * *

"So how does it feel to be Hokage, Naruto?"

* * *

My bad. Let's try one more time.

* * *

"Is it safe to go out, baa-chan?"

* * *

Oh… forget it. I give up. The narrator quit. Next time the results are really announced and awards are given. Plus Itachi comes! Won't that be fun!

Itachi haters throw trash at me

Ow...


	3. Gaara is angry

There will be no flashbacks this chapter. This chapter is dedicated to the girls of Naruto except for Ayame the ramen girl. I am stealing her position so I can get free ramen!

* * *

"Sakura, Ino, Ten ten, and Hinata, you four are to find where Tsunade is hiding along with Naruto. Find them and put Tsunade to work so she can pay me back for paying the flashback bill."

"Hai!" Then all four disappeared on the hunt for Tsunade.

"Why do we have to find Tsunade before they post up the results of the contest?" Ino was obviously getting impatient about the losing thing (which she did).

"I .. believe it's .. Because the hokage has to answer it."

* * *

Suddenly we're in Ino's POV

* * *

"Naruto's not around, so you don't have to stutter." Ten ten was obviously still pissed off that Neji won, and was really annoyed for no real reason.

"You know?" Hinata must not be in the loop of her own discussion which is sad.

"Who doesn't I mean really? The only one who doesn't know is Naruto." Sakura must have also been pissed off too. I should stay away from them, I wouldn't want to become loud and obnoxious. "Wait a minute why am I in POV mode? Hm…If I yell at Sakura right now, will she hear me? FOREHEAD GIRL, SASUKE'S MINE FOREVER AND EVER!" Did I say that out loud? Why are they all staring at me? Why does Sakura's eyes read kill? I think we should leave POV mode at least in my mind."

"Ino, you know you've been saying everything out loud since the first question right?"

"What? I was in POV mode nobody can hear my thoughts."

* * *

Leaving Ino's POV mode hopfully…

* * *

"Ouch! Sakura-chan you're heavy!"

"What did you say, baka?"

"kuso."

Sakura then hit Naruto and sent him flying around the world.

"Uh…Sakura"

"Yes?"

"We needed to bring him back to Shizune, remember?" said Hinata whose stutter stopped for now.

"He'll fly by Konoha with that massive strength no wonder Sasuke left." Ino was then pounded into the ground by Sakura.

"What do we tell Shizune happened to Ino?"

"Naruto was being a baka."

"Works for me."

* * *

Sakura's POV mode

* * *

I had pounded Ino and Naruto too hard. I should ask Tsunade to help me take out my aggression in another way. I watched as Ten ten poked at Ino who was bleeding and unconscious from my fists. Hinata just stood there as Naruto passed by again. Wow. That must be a record around the world within six minutes. "Wait where's Tsunade?" Just them I saw Tsunade trying to escape but she had just had eight pounds worth of liquor so I decided to watch her run into a tree of squirrels. They don't like her. She got attacked. I should never aggravate squirrels. Ouch.

* * *

End of POV mode

* * *

When Ino woke up and Naruto finally stoppedgoing around the world and wentdown.

* * *

"Finally! Now we can leave this place, and we can get the results which clearly state that Neji cheated me!" Ten ten had flames in her eyes which made everyone sweat drop. Lee and Gai suddenly popped out of nowhere again.

"YOSH! LET THE FIRE OF YOUTH BURN WITHIN YOU MY STUDENT!"

"YOSH! MY TEAM MATE FINALLY SEES THE LIGHT OF YOUTHFUL NESS AT ITS PEAK! RIGHT GAI-SENSEI!"

Suddenly Neji popped out of nowhere and was in the same green outfit as Lee and Gai. Apparently Sakura had hit him too hard in the head. He now thinks he is Lee …or Gai… ew…

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"NEJI!"

"GAI-SENSEI!"

"NEJI!"

"gai..sensei…" Lee then became very depressed and became a country western singer. He made millions off his teary ful songs of how gai left him for neji who after five years remember who he was and ditched Gai. Gai then became more depressed and became a rock star singing the same songs. They found each other and got reunited again. Then they took a tour together and made more money. After all this they got arrested for being on crack when their hugging sunset appeared during a concert.

Everyone stood there did an anime sweat dropped then ran with all their might to Konoha.

"What took you so long? Gaara came back for his trophy. It wasn't ready yet. So much cookies… so much sand… so much anger …so much pain … Tsunade make it stop!"

Just then a chibi Gaara came out with a brown teddy bear with little replica's of Sasuke's clothes. "Do you like mister sandy? He likes cookies, Shizune! I want more cookies."(a dark aura appeared behind him.

"That's mine!" Sakura chased Gaara around the room for several hours until Ino joined in and decided she also wanted Sakura's bear. Naruto ate popcorn while watching this all while Ten ten was trying to buy Lee's new album that just came out. Hinata was watching Naruto eat. Tsunade was being pumbled by many angry citizens that the trophies weren't awarded yet. Shizune was making cookies with Temari who was also scared out of their wits of Gaara.

Gaara got tired of running and played Rock, Paper, Scissors for it. Ino lost the first round. Sakura and Gaara kept on tying until Naruto fell over laughing at them. Sakura got pissed off and forgot about the bear; she smacked him to my other fanfiction where he met Mei who then almost killed him, but decided to send him back. He was annoying her. By accident he got sent to my comic "The Adventures of Luna the Mute Kitty."

Gaara got the teddy bear. All was well. The next day for sure would be the day that the trophies were awarded.

* * *

Room starts to fade but them stops like the time when Tsunade forgot the pay the flashback bill.

"Tsunade! You can't send the electrician an I.O.U!" Sakura said this because Shizune was too busy making cookies for Gaara.

Tsunade stood there and said, "I didn't. I sent him the money."

"Why isn't the light out then?"

Her eye starting twitching and Temari and Shizune stood there hiding behind Tsunade. "Gaara is afraid of the dark. He needs his cookie monster light on."

Sakura and all the other people in the room then backed away slowly which turned into a run.

"Okay. You can turn the light out now!"

Tsunade stood there smiling with a twitch and a sign that said, 'HELP ME!' Click.

In a sing songy tune chibi Gaara sang, "I love cookies! Don't you?"

"Yes" a monotonous voice came from Temari, Shizune, and Tsunade.

"YAY! Let's all have cookies tomorrow!"

"Okay."

"NIGHT!"

A small light in the darkness showed Tsunade, Shizune, and Temari waving signs and silently screaming 'HELP ME!'


	4. Flashback trouble

I want at least 3 reviews before I post the next chapter because I feel like a horrible author right now. Goes into corner. Since the narrator quit everytime it says something it is written on cards that cover the screen and these cards are held up by Itachi. I told you he would come.

* * *

I do not own Naruto or anything oh wait I own Luna but that's a different story….

* * *

By now chibi Gaara and his brand new three underlings (Tsunade, Shizune, and Temari) were awake. Well technically awake, Tsunade was wearing sunglasses with eyes and you could hear loud very loud snoring; Shizune had her eyes open but it looked like she was asleep. Somehow don't ask how but she had fallen asleep with her eyes open. Temari was well Temari was hiding behind her fan so you couldn't really tell if she was awake or not. Gaara who had Mr. Sandy in hand was running around in circles for no apparent reason.

"Are the trophies in now?" a large crowd had apparently camped out for the night in front of the Hokage's office.

"No! I refuse to eat the muffins of doom! … Where am i? Oh yeah, Now I remember I was …--!" Apparently the assumption was correct. Tsunade was asleep.

"Of course she was! It says it right here in the script!"

"Eh?"

"Shut Up! Where are the trophies?" An angry mob of people had formed outside of her door.

"Kuso…"

Tsunade then hid behind a twig and screamed, "BWAHAHAHAHAHA! NOW THEY'LL NEVER FIND ME! "

Every villager did an anime sweat drop and slowly started to move away which turned into a mad dash until somehow they ended up in the Ice country. How they made it over the ocean? No clue.

"How troublesome, it is really simple. First we…"

Three Hours Later

Everyone yells at the same time, "It hasn't been three hours! More like five seconds!"

"Well I am sorry! You know what? I quit! See how life is without me! I am the true star of the series you can't survive one day without me!" An angry out of character Itachi walked off before realizing he was on water and he was out of chakra from running to Ice country. He fell down. He froze. A twenty five years later he was found and scared everyone off of Ice country and they ran to Konoha.

"YES! Our food supplies is saved!" Naruto jumped up and down which made Ice country crack and made everyone fall into the water only they didn't freeze. Naruto ran behind Tsunade who was now choking from laughing so much.

"You're here too!" Everyone ran away back to Konoha leaving Naruto and the choking Tsunade in hiding.

* * *

_Suddenly we are going into flashback mode

* * *

_

"_Sakura, Ten ten, Ino, and Hinata, you four are to--!"_

"_Stop we already went through this!" Sakura continued speaking, "Can we end the flashback now?"_

"_Nope."_

"_Why Ino-pig?"_

"_Because."_

"_Why?"_

"_Because I said so."_

"_Why?"_

_This went on for several hours. Ten ten fell asleep while Hinata used Byukagen and escaped without them knowing it. Shizune also escaped. Don't ask how, it is another story. This is when Gai and Lee and Neji came out of nowhere. Only Neji and Lee are like twenty. Gai is hmm.. what is that guy's age. _

"_YOSH! YOU ARE ALL AT THE PEAK OF YOUR YOUTHFULNE … why does ten ten look 15? Didn't we have a contest back at that time? I remember who I am! I remember I hate how you are both insane and I never told you! I am me again!" Neji then rips off his green suit thing and underneath is his old clothes. He runs off as the screen blackens._

"_NO! I AM SCARED OF THE DARK! I HATE THE DARK! I WILL GO CRAZY IF I CAN'T SEE THE LIGHT!" Sakura then punches a hold through the dark screen and sees Gaara cookie monster night light. She sits down and starts rocking herself back and forth._

_The screen starts to darken again.

* * *

_

_End of Flash--!

* * *

_

_Sakura come out of nowhere along with Gaara who both have eyes that read Kill. _

"_I… am… scared … of … the dark." Sakura then starts hitting the Flashback sign while Gaara was trying to kill the dark/light screen. " DIE!"

* * *

BEEP BEEP I AM SORRY THIS SCENE WAS TOO VIOLENT TO BE SHOWN… I THINK IT IS OVER NOW …_

* * *

"_RAWR!" _

"_TAKE THAT! "_

"_NOW WHO WANTS TO END THE FLASHBACK!"_

_Ino, Ten ten, Lee and Gai all stood there and said, "No one…"_

"_Will the flashback ever end? Find out next time on-! "_

"_Who the heck are you?"_

"_My name is Ami. I do the voice for the ending of the Contest of Konoha."_

"_It's not over until I say it's over!" Sakura then beat Ami to a bloody pulp._

"_Is it over now?" Said Gaara in a cute little chibi form._

"_I think so Shikamaru go check the script."_

"_How troublesome… yes it's over… she's supposed to memorize this and how troublesome…"_

"_What did you say?"_

"_Nothing."

* * *

_

Else where

* * *

Itachi is speaking like a narrator of the power puff girls, "Will the flashback ever end? I don't care."

Sasuke appears, "I hate you and I will kill you!"

Itachi shouts, "Mangenkyou Sharingan!" Suddenly Sasuke is sent to another world full of flowers and fan girls galore. "Have fun little brother who lacks hatred! BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ack gack Can I get some water?"

Kisame appears out of now where and throws him a bottle, "That's going to be 8,000,000 yen!"

* * *

Yup that's the chapter. It wasn't as funny as I wanted it to be but it sure was random at most. Well whatever. Can someone tell me Gai's age and how to spell Itachi's sharingan I would but I am lazy. Please read and review people! 


	5. Never wake Sakura or Gaara

Itachi got tied up ((figure of speech)) so he isn't holding up the signs anymore. Tsunade is. I am paying her. She wants to repay Shizune or else Shizune will freak out again or something…Little does she know I am paying her only a penny per card.

* * *

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or the characters or the food or the country…

* * *

It was all peaceful in Konoha. Everyone was happy and at peace. Nothing was wrong. Everything was silent. No body was awake. There was no sound whatsoever. It seemed like this peace would last forever. No animal moved. No person stirred. Everything was in its place. It was almost as though it were perfect. It was quiet and peaceful. It seemed as though time had stopped. Suddenly something happened. Oh wait, never mind. It was peaceful, creepy, and quiet. Will somebody do something? This was getting boring. Snore… snore… snore… snore… snore… snore… snore… snore… snore…

BOOM! An explosion rang throughout Konoha. "YES! We are finally out of there!" Ino slapped Ten ten five. "Was it really necessary to put explosion tags on Sakura and Gaara too? They were asleep. Although waking them up would be troublesome…" Both girls nodded their head at the spikey haired genius. Suddenly they felt a dark sinister aura right behind them. They turned around to see Sakura and Gaara. They both had wounds from the explosion tags. They both were muttering curse words. They were both about ready to kill someone. Gaara took out a hammer. Sakura grabbed her pillow. (She doesn't need a weapon with her super human strength.)

"I hate you all. I was having a nice dream. It was about sleeping and not waking up. Do you like to sleep? Of course you do. So let me have the pleasure of making you sleep forever!" With that said, Sakura started chasing Ino and Ten ten down. Gaara didn't say a word. He just took a couple of steps toward Shikamaru and then held him in place with sand. He inched closer and closer until the hammer collided with Shikamaru's face.

SQUEAK! What in the world? Squeak? Gaara wasnow Chibi and was hiting Shikamaru with a plastic squeaky hammer over and over again. Shikamaru was lucky.

* * *

Elsewhere in Itachi's Genjutsu ((or so we think))

* * *

"I can break your genjutsu anytime!"

"Then why haven't you foolish little brother?"

"What in the world? Why are you using a flashlight and a megaphone and in an Orochimaru costume? I can see you. You are standing in front of me!"

A blue fish out of water came and shouted, "CUT! Sasuke you have ruined out scene. Itachi is shooting a movie about gay guys and the pedophiles after them. Itachi was trying to amp up the drama. Sheesh! Itachi you are right Sasuke is foolish!" He then walked off.

"WTF?"

"By your lack of answer and lack of attraction of girls it proves you are gay!" Itachi was still using a flashlight and a megaphone and in the Orochimaru costume. "So let's play Sasuke!"

"WTF? I am not gay! I went there to get power to kill you!"

"So you wanted to kill me by coming to me and letting me train you?"

"NO! YOU ARE NOT OROCHIMARU! YOU ARE MY EVIL OLDER BROTHER! ARE YOU STUPID! IT SAYS SO RIGHT HERE IN THE SCRIPT!"

Kisame or as Sasuke knows him 'fish boy' walked back in. "You killed another scene! We are never going to finish this film with this incompetent fool!"

"Yes we are we will just fill in the words!"

"Fine. Tomorrow we will do it. Today is over."

A light went on and Sasuke saw the back drop of unicorns and pinkness and fan club girls that looked real fall. Then more lights turned on and it revealed three cameras and camera men. One was Diedara((can't spell his name)) another was Sasori, and another was Zetsu. The soundtrack guy was Tobi. The leader was directing. Apparently Kisame or 'fish boy' is just a messenger boy. 'HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!' Sasuke inwardly laughed then remembered he was tied up to a pole. All the lights dimmed and he heard a door close. He got left behind. Loser.

* * *

Back to Sakura and Ino and ten ten and other people

* * *

Gaara was still hitting Shikamaru in the head with a plastic squeaky hammer only now he was in front of a cage match between Ino and Temari.

* * *

_Flashback time

* * *

_

_Sakura was chasing Ino and Ten ten. She looked really angry with fire in her eyes and a dark aura getting bigger every second._

"_Sakura's gaining on us! Ten ten what do we do?"_

"_Why ask me? Your boyfriend is the genius!"_

"_You're older! He's not my boyfriend!"_

"_So! You're youn--!" She and Ino had been yelling so much that they didn't notice that they were running into a dead end. They ran into a brick wall. Sakura grabbed both of them and laughed menichally. "BWUAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ack gack ack" Kisame appeared out of nowhere, "Water?"_

"_No thanks. I am fine." She then ran off partially to get ready for Ino and Ten ten's punishment and partially because she just talked to a fish out of water. Who wouldn't freak out besides Akatsuki members?

* * *

_

_End of Flashback

* * *

_

"So why do I have to watch this?"

"Because this is the death match of who is going to be your girlfriend! Whoever it is! They will push you over and huggle you to death! BWUHAHAHAHAHA!" Sakura had fallen off the deep end.

"So troublesome… Can I ask another question?"

"Okay."

"Why is that fish guy here strapped to a chair and watching Ten ten eat sushi?"

"1. Because Ten ten hates sushi so this is punishment. ((I don't really know if she does.))2. Because fish boy scares me so he needs punishment too. 3. It makes Ten ten feel really guilty about eating the sushi. 4. Because I said so!" Sakura hadn't fallen off the deep end. She had fallen into the shallow end, hit her head, and gone crazy. Meanwhile Gaara is still hitting Shikmaru with that hammer. Actually it was a different hammer the other popped from touching Shikamaru's hair that was spiked up and looked like a pineapple.

'Note to self never ever ever wake up Sakura or Gaara… wait a minute if Gaara goes to sleep… OM GOSH!'

* * *

And that's the chapter. I didn't think it was random enough. Tell me your opinion. Please at least two reviews and the next chapters up. Hopefully… Who do you want to win the cage match? 


	6. Finally Finished?

Hello people I want to thank you for the reviews! They made me smile so much! I kind of stink at action scenes but here we go anyway! And on a side note. I have Tobi holding up the sign and Zetsu announcing the words. "Is this right Zetsu-san?" They think the leader ((me in an akatsuki cloak in the dark with sharingan contacts)) told them to do it. EHeheheheheh…. Okay now go!

* * *

Disclaimer: I want to say I own Naruto but I don't.

* * *

'If Gaara goes to sleep, then Shukaku the demon inside Gaara would awaken and doom us all!' POP! Shikamaru turned a ghostly white. There goes the second hammer time for Gaara to blow up another one. "Now I gots to go and blow up another one. ((insert anime tears and then stopping but still sniffling)) Temari, I want another a blow up hammer. Shikmaru broke the last two, and if you don't do this. (insert evil aura and evil smirk) " Temari immediately got out of cage and blew up another one. Then she walked back inside the cage and locked herself in. Being freaked out by a small cute bundle of evil really makes one do some strange things. No?

"Actually"

"No one asked you!" Sakura threw a shoe at Shikamaru and knocked him out.

"Oh no."

"What is it, Gaara?"

"Now we need to find someone else to read us our lines when we forget."

"SHHH! Remember it is our little secret that I never memorized any of my lines…anyways…"

"BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! NO ONE SHALL EVER WAKE ME AGAIN UNLESS I AWAKE AT MY OWN TIME! BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAH-!" Suddenly Naruto walked by this whole ordeal.

"Neh… Sakura-chan, What happened to you?" Sakura stared blankly at Naruto. There was an awkward silence. Suddenly Sakura reached into her back pouch and had an instant noodles.

"You want the noodles?" She started waving them around and like a dog, Naruto was following it with his eyes. "Go fetch!" She threw that ramen to who knows where with her super human strength and like a dog again, Naruto ran like there was no tomorrow for it. Talk about an obsession.

* * *

Else where on the movie set for Gay Guys and the Pedophiles after them.

* * *

"Sasuke, are you ready to work correctly now?"

"Never you crazed up psycho path who wants to torture me in any way necessary."

"Wow that's a mouth full, just like out new Akatsuki's buy out product or die potatoes sliced in small thin strips and flavored with poison I mean love… yeah love." How did their movie turn into an commercial?

"Well simple really, we planned it from the start. Okay not really but because some body's little brother's pedophile got jealous that Itachi looked better in his outfit."

"NOBODY ASKED YOU!" A shoe came flying towards an Akatsuki leader. ((the real one.)) He fell over with a thud and became unconscious.

"Wait a minute… sliced thinly and flavored…. Aren't those called potato chips?"

"NEVER! They must be called Akatsuki's buy out product or die potatoes sliced in thin strips and flavored with poison I mean love… yeah love!" Wow that is a mouth.

"Wait so the actual name is that long?"

"Yes."

"Who came up with that? Man you all are retarded."

"Came up with that did I." A voice had peered threw the darkness.

"Yoda?"

"No."

"WTF? Who are you?"

"Father am I."

"What?"

"Foolish are you."

"Huh?"

"Man you are foolish. Who else could come up with that ingenious plan but I, the great humble perfect humble sweet to all creatures humble strong handsome loved by all Itachi. I even designed the bag." Everyone loves Itachi! Well at least me.

"Why are you dressed up as a star trek person but have a bag that says I just went to a star wars convention and all I got was this stupid bag."

"Because I am Itachi."

* * *

Okay enough of that nonsense Else in the snow country on a floating block of ice.

* * *

"YES! I have finally finished this stupid contest awards! I have engraved every trophy and written every name! Finally, the insanity will stop!" Just then an instant noodles landed right on top of her desk on the floating block of ice. "Eh? Nani?"

" DDDOOOONNNNNN'TTTTT TOOOOOUUUUUCCCCHHH THHHHAAATTT IIIIITTTTTT'SSSSSS MIIIIIIINNNNNNEEEEE!" A speeding Naruto with eight tickets stuffed in his jacket ((what is he a freaking car?)) was sprinting towards Tsunade. 'Kuso.' BOOM! Naruto landed straight on top of her desk with great force.

"Phew I thought that you would crack the ice and make me redo all of this work. Okay now to get it to Ko…crack… no… crack… ha." The ice split right down the middle and everything fell in the water along with Tsunade and Naruto.

"BAKA!" "eh oh.. baa-chan it was an accident.." "you're going to die for that!" Naruto and Tsunade then started sprinting around in ice cold water "GOOMMEEENNN!" "BAKA!"

* * *

Elsewhere Shizune and Hinata along with Neji, Kiba, Chouji, Lee, Kankuro, and apparently Sasuke were at the beach.

* * *

"I wonder what happened to Ino, Tenten, Shikmaru, Sakura, and Gaara."

"I wonder what happened to Naruto-kun… I'm a bit worried…"

"Don't Hinata. I am sure they are fine. I mean after all he is with Tsunade." Suddenly the great chase of Tsunade and Naruto went passing by.

"You're right Shizune. I mean she is the Hokage." Just then the faint sound of Tsunade and Naruto's voice swept pass them.

"Wasn't that just Naruto and Tsunade chasing him like a crazed psycho?" Finally someone notices.

"How did you escape Itachi's genjutsu?"

"I put a cardboard cut out a while ago."

"Oh okay."

"Wait a second…." Suddenly everyone realized that they needed to stop Tsunade and immediately then all jumped in and swam after them.

* * *

Okay now back to the cage match.

* * *

"Where's my coffee?" Suddenly some random guy who is probably the same guy who threw the shoe at Akatsuki's leader comes up with a steaming hot cup of coffee that has been mixed with milk sugar and cream. Sakura grabs it. "What took you so long? I had to watch Ten ten eat breakfast!" Yes, Ten ten ate the dreaded sushi and liked it so right now she has Kisame in a big pot full of water and is boiling while she is cutting up carrots and other stuff for flavor. There was a evil glint in her eye and a bit of drool at her mouth. Sakura took her first sip of coffee. "It's perfect… You know what.. I love you!" She glomped the random guy who is probably the same guy who threw the shoe at Akatsuki's leader who also came with Sakura coffee. Sakura took another sip. "I feel all better now."

"So forehead are you going to let me and Temari go?"

"Yes and no."

"What?"

"I shall let Temari go and have Shikamaru go on a date to the new diner called, 'Akatsuki's Go Here Or We'll Hunt You Down And If You Don't Like Our Food We'll Kill You!' You, on the other hand will have to battle my most ferocious pet named super bob. BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Okay Sakura still isn't better Maybe she should go see a doctor. Sakura then walked off with an evil smirk.

"I heard that!" She threw a shoe at Zetsu who had been narrorating in a nearby tree. Poor fool he had never seen it coming. Suddenly Tobi feel off his own tree and was in the small position as Zetsu. "Like this Zetsu-san?"

POP! There goes the last hammer Gaara had. Sniffle sniffle."WAHHHHHHHHHH!"((insert anime waterfall tears.))

"As if these things weren't distracting enough in came Tsunade being dragged by Sasuke, Neji, Lee, Chouji, and Kakuro. After that Naruto came in unconscious thrown over Shizune's shoulder. Hinata said, 'We were too late to save him from Tsunade.' How tragic." By now everyone and I mean the whole village was out everyone from Iruka to Ibiki. Including citizens who aren't ninjas mind you." Said a strange girl who was standing in their midst."

"Who the heck is she?"

"How am I supposed to know Ino?"

"Well you became a chunin first so you should know, Shika!"

Just then Sakura who had disappeared a while ago reappeared with a leash and a giant cat. "I remember you! You were trying to end the chapter!" All the attention directed to Sakura not because she had spoken of the strange girl but because she had a giant cat attached to a leash she was carrying. "Your name is Ami! No one ends the show but me and/ or Itachi!"

"You're working with my stupid older brother?"

"NO! well he did buy me super bob… so yes I am."

Just them Itachi appeared out of nowhere. "She brings in tons of business to our restaurants and food chains. Our relationship is strictly professional. Right?"

"Right. Now let's end the chapter with a karaoke! I pick Sakura Kiss by Kawabe Chieko! (( It's the opening for Ouran High School Host Club.))

Kiss Kiss Fall in Love!

Kizukeba itsudemo

Sobani to kerodo

Honto wa kirai suki mou sou nano

Jibun no kimochi ga -

Everyone thinking…'Please just end it'

* * *

And I did! I am such a good cookie. ((My friend: COOKIE! WHERE:tackles me)) Okay tell me what you think. Some said torture Ino so I decided to skip the fight but have Ino suffer and Temari win. Okies now Please Read and Review! 


	7. DDR and ninjas don't compute

Hello everyone! Thanks so much for the reviews! Thanks for the idea of DDR llshadowmakerll. They make me feel good. Okay this time I have a mime doing the cards. His name is Larry. Oh it's not.. uh John… Yuki … uh… Here's the disclaimer while I try to figure out his name.

* * *

I do not own Naruto, I own a lot of the manga and I've read the lastest chapters but I don't own it, sadly.

* * *

There was a large awkward silence. Sakura had finished her song yet, everyone continued to stare at her. That is when the unexpected happened. A DDR machine fell from the sky and crushed Ami. Poor her, she always seems to get pumbled. "WOOHOO! The new DDR machine has come! Thanks Diedara!" Everyone immediately looked to the sky and saw him, and a squirrel flying around. Weird. "Now let the money roll in! BWUHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! You remember the campaign slogan again, right Sakura?"

"PSSSHHHAAAAA. Of course I do Itachi."

"Then recite it already!"

"Okay." Sakura faced the rest of the town of Konoha. She had an evil smirk placed across her face. "CHALLENGE SOMEONE TO DDR NOW OR ELSE THE AKATSUKI WILL PUMMEL YOU TO THE GROUND! IT ONLY COST 8,000 YEN TO PLAY ONE GAME! COME NOW OR ELSE!" Sakura then smiled and reverted back to her some what normal self from before. Okay who am I kidding her insanity from before.

"I HEARD THAT TOO!" (Isn't that an oxy moron in the making?) Sakura then hit the mine who walked over tied an imaginary rope around her. WOO HOO GO MIME! Sakura pointed to Sasori… wait why the heck is he here?

"He is working as our new chef at Akatsuki's Go Here or We'll Hunt You Down and If You Don't Like Our Food We'll Kill You."

"Shikamaru, I love you and all but who are you talking to and How do you know that?"

"Too troublesome to explain.."

"GET THIS OFF OF ME NOW!" Everybody started to whistle and/or look away and/or slowly take a couple steps away until they were safely inside their houses. Itachi took his index and middle finger and made scissors which cut her imaginary ropes. "Thank you Itachi-sama!"

"I should thank you! You advertised so well!" Itachi stroked her head like she was a cat, and she purred. Weirdo. "Okay so who wants to be forced to play first?" After carefully decided by spinning Itachi around and then using him as a human pointer, they decided on Ino and Temari. "Alrighty GO!"

"One question."

"Shoot pig girl."

"What the hell is DDR?"

"It is a game now play!" Suddenly the lights turned on and everyone's eyes opened very wide. "CHOOSE A SONG!" A computer voice speaking. Everyone stared in wonder including Itachi and Sakura, but they were probably distracted by the bright lights.

* * *

Five Minutes passed and all that happened was Ino punching the machine while Temari kicked it.

* * *

"I SAID PICK A SONG!" Again everyone stared. "PICK A SONG GOSH DARN IT!" Gaara saw the button and ran up with twinkles in his eyes. "BUUHHHHH TTOOOOOONNNNNN!" He pushed the button. "FINALLY! YOUR SONG SELECTION IS BUTTERFLY!" Music started to play and the arrows light up. The arrow went past and Ino and Temari had no clue what to do. After about two seconds worth, "YOU LOSE!"

"I lose…. " Ino started to break down crying. "I never…. Lose… it was talking to Temari ya…. I can't lose …" Suddenly Ino had a light bulb above her head.

"OMGOSH! Ino you've just discovered electricity!" Naruto came back from the dead and was jumping an overactive, hyper five year old at Christmas.

"Baka…" Sakura threw a shoe while still staring at the machine in wonder. She is multi talented, no? Okay now back to Ino. Ino clicked the light bulb off and the whole screen goes dark. Suddenly you hear a piercing scream.

"It's dark! I hate the dark!" Sakura's eye twitched. "I will kill the dark! Join me Gaara! Once we kill dark; dark be gone forever and no more night light because there is no dark. Itachi would like too, right?"

"Uhh…."

"Itachi would like too, right?"

Itachi could feel a menacing aura near him. "Yes…"

"Let's kill, DARK! BWUHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH ack gack…. I'm okay."

Somewhere in the manga DNAngel

'Achoo! Achoooo!'

Daisuke couldn't concentrate on school. 'Dark, did you catch a cold or something?' he thought to his body sharing phantom thief.

'ACCHHOOOOOO! I don't think so.'

Okay back to our main story.

The light is still out until you see Kakashi with a flashlight shining on Ino who has twenty five shuriken two centimeters away from the DDR machine, Sakura who has a twitch and is plotting a sixty-seven point plan to kill dark, Gaara who is listening to Sakura intently, Ten ten freaking out and hitting Kisame because she thinks he stole twenty five shuriken from her, Hinata passed out from being so close to Naruto who is unconscious, Temari who is glomping Shikamaru who is mumbling troublesome, and on Kiba who has a can of bug spray two millimeters away from Shino and a paper that reads 'The Perfect Way To Get Rid Of Akamaru's Fleas Forever By Killing Shino's Bugs.'

"Uhh…" Kakashi was really grogging from being asleep this whole time. Which is the equilvalent for about two or three or is it four days? He walked over turned on the light, and cussed.. I mean yelled… no wait scolded ... ya scolded everyone.

Ino was looking around because she looked very guilty. "Uh.. Tenten you're probably wondering where I found your shuriken. Funny story actually…" Before Ino had time to dash away, Tenten had thrown an Ino into her pot that Kisame is already in. Kiba had ran far away. Sasuke was… he was ... OH MY GOSH!

* * *

For your information, DNAngel is a manga by Yukiru Sugisaki, it is also an anime but I never watch it manga rules! I actually did a cliffhanger! Well sort of... kind of well whatever it was I am happy that I have done it! I love being the author! Cool okay now please review, I haven't decided how long this story should be. I am not sure if I should make is ten chapters or fifteen. The contest answers and coming up in the next two chapters, but I haven't decided on what the contests are going to be I need to brainstorm that is why I'm postponing my other story that I am writing (not posted yet) GIve me ideas please! If you wonder what happened to super bob, he's still there just waiting for Sakura to tell him what to do. He becomes a reoccuring random thing. Just like Itachi! Okay enough author stuff review please! 


	8. It has been decided finally

Wowie.. I hate updated in forevers well anywho here is the third to last chapter. Oh and I hired another mime just to annoy the characters as he hold up the cards. Okay Disclaimer.

* * *

No I don't own Naruto but if I did… well let's just say things would happen…

* * *

Sasuke was melting? What the? He was literally melting like that witch from the Wizard of Oz. It was then Sakura, Gaara, Itachi, everyone else, and the other randomly placed Akatsuki disappeared and scence changed from Konoha to freaking Munchkin Land.

Ino, Temari, and Shikamaru suddenly appeared from a falling house right on top of the puddle formerly known as Sasuke.

That's right Sasuke is formerly known he is now the rapper once puddle once known as Sasuke the rapper. He made millions and is now a producer for Gai and Lee's soundtrack in stores in 1754. Okay now back to the main story. Where was I? … Oh yes… :clears throat:

Ino, Temari, and Shikamaru suddenly appeared yadda yadda yadda. They came out of the house and looked at each other. They were had braided pigtails and the Dorothy dress on.

"HAHAHAHAHHAHHAA!!" Ino and Temari burst out laughing as they looked at Shikamaru in his pretty dress. Suddenly a pink bubble started floating towards them. It landed on Shikamaru's hair and POP! The bubble disappeared and in it's place Sakura fell down on Shikamaru also now known as Dorothy S.

"Why the heck did you pop my bubble?!?!" Sakura yelled.

Temari and Ino continued in their fit of laughter until a teeny tiny Kiba came out from behind a bush.

"HOLY FLYING CHEESE MONKIES!!" Ino shouted as she jumped into Temari's arms who immediately dropped her. As Ino yelled in pain, Kiba came over and bit Temari who will now be known as Dorothy T.

"What was that for?" Temari yelled as she tried shaking Kiba off to no avail. Sakura suddenly got up which might have been difficult considering her being in a bright poofy pink dress.

"That is a munchkin."

"I kind of figured." Shikamaru said as he got up.

Temari's vein throbbed. "That doesn't explain why he's biting me, and why you're in a big poofy dress."

Sakura tilted her head. "Oh you didn't know. I am a witch and-"

"Oh!!! I know this show!! The little munchkins want to say thank you! And you're a good witch and you're gonna help us. And then we go look for the wizard, and then I, yes I shall be that girl who meets everyone, and then she clicks her heels and three times and goes home. Am I right?" Ino said as she prominently named herself Dorothy the first queen of new Oz.

Sakura looked at her funny. "Um… well you're half right. The munchkins want to say something nice to you." Kiba got eye contact with Sakura, nodded, and did a bunch of weird arm movements. He let go of Temari finally and walked off. "That munchkin with the face says they can only say 'thank you' if you follow me and ask no questions whatsoever."

Temari and Shikamaru both started to say no until Ino cut them off, and dragged them after Sakura.

By the time they reached their destination which was two inches away all these random munchkin's came out. They all looked like random villagers from Konoha and the genin we all know and love.

Ino's eyes sparkled as she started to approach them until they grabbed her, Shikamaru, and Temari, and tied them to poles.

They all started chanting weird things as they brought out a big boiling pot filling with like carrots and spices. Suddenly they all stopped and super bob came out. Sakura was riding on top of them with a Pocahontas outfit on.

"They have disgraced out land. We will never make peace with these outsiders. Eat them!" All of the munchkins started to scream and yell in jubilation.

Ino suddenly started to click her heels. "There's no place like home! There's no place like home! There's no place like home." Ino suddenly disappeared and left Shikamaru and Temari stranded.

It was then Itachi and Akatsuki reappeared in mob clothes. They started trying to sell Shikamaru and Temari condos in the imaginary place of Chad… wait Chad exists well then nevermind…

It was then Sakura and all the rest of the Konoha munchkin's grabbed onto Shikamaru and Temari. Sakura looked at them with a serious face. "Our tribe believes that if you say these magic words, we can escape from Munchkin land. It has been handed down generation to generation to generation…"

* * *

Two Days Later

* * *

"Generation to generation." "WE GET IT!!" They all shouted at once.

"Say it with me now. 'I wish, I wish upon a fish. I WANTS A COOKIE!" They all stared at her until they got desperate in which they started to say it.

"I WISH I WISH UPON A FISH! I WANTS A COOKIE! I WISH I WISH UPON A FISH! I WANTS A COOKIE!" By now Sakura was in a peter pan costume and everyone else had a Wendy costume which by the way looked severely creepy.

POOF

They all reappeared in Konoha all waking up from a dream except for Ino, Tsunade (because Shizune forbid her from entering the dream state of insanity), and Shizune. They were all working on the trophies and plaques.

Simultaneously they all said (excluding Sakura), "Wow what a strange dream…"

Sakura just smiled, and tried to shove away her 'Super Expensive, Big Thing that Akatsuki stole … I mean made… yeah made… That Creates Large Genjutsu's All You Need Is Super Bob. (Warning: super bob not included). They all glared at her and was about to attack when Tsunade said the one thing that could forgive all the insanity and nonsensical ness.

"I finished! The Contest of Konoha will be over on Thursday!"

Shizune looked at her. "Today is Thursday."

Everyone was about to jump Tsunade when she said, "I will a free pass to visit Akatsuki land to all winners and losers if they wait until Saturday for the results!"

The crowd slowly dispersed, and Konoha started to go back to normal when Temari said, "Oh my Kage, Gaara isn't a part of Konoha which means…" :insert terror music here:

Sakura reappeared from pushing away her big 'Super Expensive, B ig Thing that Akatsuki stole … I mean made… yeah made… That Creates Large Genjutsu's All You Need Is Super Bob. (Warning: super bob not included).

The rest of the town realized, she too would not go back to normal for she had not learned of the news. Everyone's face was stricken with horror except for Akatsuki who was normally insane and used to Sakura. (How… you don't want to know…)

Tsunade about ready to rip the hair out of her head said, "Sakura would you like to move to Suna and apprentice him a little, I mean after all it would be a good 10"

"20" Someone shouted who was probably the guy who threw the shoe at the Akatsuki leader.

"20 years." Temari and Kankurou's faces were stricken with horror.

"NOOO!!! WE HAVE HIM TO DEAL WITH!!!" They said as they pointed to Gaara.

Tsunade suddenly had a light bulb appear above her head, but only because Sakura put that there. "Sakura! Stop trying to restore the insanity."

"Aww.. you never let me have any fun…" Sakura grumbled.

"Why don't I send Gaara and Sakura to live with the Akatsuki."

Somewhere in Oz a puddle of Sasuke screams, "WHAT?!?!"

Itachi smiled at the idea of having those –as he phrased it-'insane geniouses' on the side of evil. The other Akatsuki members didn't care. They grabbed some cloaks and hats and threw them at Sakura and Gaara.

Sakura and Gaara high fived each other and started to walk off.

* * *

It was decided. Everything set. Insane Gaara and Sakura go to Akatsuki as not wanted missing nin. Temari and Kankurou can finally go home. Akatsuki goes back to being Akatsuki-ish. Konoha becomes normal. Sasuke would return to Orochimaru, but they tied him up to a pole. All would be set. Saturday it is!

* * *

Yeah… I find this chapter not funny enough but really random.. please read and review my self esteem is like really low and no one has been reading so I would appreciate if I could get a least a continue or update.. that would suffice. Well That's it. Also I have decided that this fic will end in two chapters, but if I get more people to read… I may do a spin off… but probably not. 


	9. Poker Mishaps I used to like fridays

Con is currently holding up the narrative cards upside down because he never stands right side up. Weirdo…anywho.. this chapter is kind of a filler. Plus I felt the need to make Friday at least two chapters. Here we go!

* * *

I don't own Naruto if I did. Certain people must be eliminated says I… on with the chapter.

* * *

Tsunade sighed as she looked out the window of the Hokage's office. Outside children were playing, ninja's were patrolling, and civilians were civillainizing…

"It's Friday, Shizune." Tsunade said.

"No, Tsunade-sama." Replied a robot that looked nothing like Shizune but had a sign on it that said, 'I'm Shizune.'

"Quite right, but do you know what that means?"

"No, Tsunade-sama."

"Today is the day before everything goes back to the way it was before."

"No, Tsunade-sama."

"What?"

"No, Tsunade-sama."

"Is that the only thing you say?!?"

"No, Tsunade-sama."

"Well, that's good to hear. Can you get me some sake?"

"No, Tsunade-sama."

"Just because I get a little drunk doesn't mean anything! Please!"

"No, Tsunade-sama."

As Tsunade continued her chat with the robot Shizune, through the hall way, over the bridge, under the super bob cage, inside Akatsuki's main base, into the waterfall, over the rainbow, to grandmother's house we go, in a cottage made of pineapples, a poker game was going on.

"Shizune, are you going to fold or stay?" Shizune looked at everyone around the table. Sakura had this 'Oh no! I'm going to lose!' face. Gaara had the 'I'm adorable, but that doesn't mean I won't cheat!' face. Itachi had this 'I am the great and powerful Itachi and no one is better than me even my gay little brother Sasuke- ("I disowned you!!!" was said from a puddle formerly known as Sasuke formerly known as a rapper formerly known for being a puddle formerly known as a rapper formerly known as Sasuke' face. Naruto had the 'Dude! I thought we were playing Go Fish!' face. Last but not least, Kiba who had the 'I'm hungry… so very hungry… I should eat Naruto…' face. How she could read faces.. I don't know maybe that's the same way she escaped from the flashback that was going to fade out but didn't…. I want super powers… anywho..

"I am going to stay!" Shizune yelled in agony. Why? I don't know.

"Bad choice!" Sakura said as she suddenly changed in attitude.

"REVEAL!" It was then the cards became giant and started attacking each other. Why you might ask? Because Shizune has super powers that came read faces!!

"That makes no sense-" Shikamaru was suddenly being tied up to a wall by Ino and Temari who just suddenly decided to appear out of nowhere. "Which one of us do you love the mostest!"

"That's improper grammar… any who.. I pick Temari."

"But why?? Shikamaru?" Ino said with a big spotlight on her as she started to do a slomo fall.

"She lives farther away so she won't be near which means less troublesome."

Everyone suddenly froze except for Shikamaru. "What'd I do?" Everyone stared in wonder. Sakura came over and starting poking Shikamaru over and over. "Is this the real Shikamaru?"

"Wha?" Shikamaru said.

As Sakura continued poking Shikamaru, the whole scene suddenly changed and everyone was in detective outfits.

"Shikamaru, Is pie square?" Shizune asked with stars in her eyes.

"Do you mean pie r squared?

"He did it again!" Shizune started to cry. "How dare he?!?" She suddenly charged in demeanor. "40 lashes." Shizune said as she was suddenly in a princess outfit while everyone else looked like a peasant mob.

BOOM!

In came Tsunade. "Hey… you guys found the hut I used to live in when I first left Konoha on a journey." She looked at them all for a moment. Shizune in her princess outfit, everyone else in peasant mob formation A. "Oh my flying cheese monkies!! You have all been infected by Sakura and Gaara haven't you?!?" Tsunade then took out band-aids and stuck them on everyone. "Are you all okay?"

"I feel like I have a hangover or something.." Shizune said. "Did something happen? All I remember is Sakura, Gaara, and Itachi waking me up, covering my mouth, and then… blank.."

"It's alright! The unbeatable power of bandaids has saved us all! Now hurry back to Konoha except for you, you , and especially you!" She said as she pointed to Gaara, Itachi, and then Sakura.

"But… What did I do, Tsundae-shishou?" Sakura suddenly looked normal for once in this entire story.

"I don't believe you." Tsunade stuck out her tongue.

"Yeah you're right. Sakura is sooo unworthy but take me instead!" Sakura said.

"You're the same person."

"NOOO!! Don't compare me to Sakura! I am not the crazy one! She is! Believe me! QUIET YOU! No you shut up! NO YOU SHUT UP! No you!" Tsunade by now had backed away slowly into a mad dash back to Konoha. "HOW DARE YOU LEAVE SAKURA BEHIND! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! I ALSO KNOW THAT 2 X 2 4 AND THAT NEGATIVE B TIMES THE SQUARE ROOT OF B SQUARED MINUS FOUR A C OVER TWO A IS THE QUADRATIC FORMULA!! THE ALPHABET HAS TWENTY TWO LETTERS! INFINITY LOOKS LIKE A SIDEWAYS EIGHT! PICTURES FADE BUT MEMORIES LAST FOREVER! GUESS WHAT! CHICKEN BUTT! STUPI D PEOPLE IN LARGE NUMBERS IS A MOB! EATING FOOD IS NECESSARY FOR LIFE! TOMATOES ARE ACTUALLY FRUIT! YAWNING IS CONTAGIOUS! I AM TSUNADE'S APPRENTICE! THE AUTHOR HAS OFFICIALLY RUN OUT OF RANTS AND RANDOM FACTS SO SHE DECIDED TO ANNOUNCE IT TO THE WORLD! SHE STILL CAN'T THINK OF ANY FACTS! WATERMELONS ARE YUMMY! POWERPUFF GIRLS HAS BECOME AN ANIME KNOWN AS POWERPUFF GIRLS Z! PIE IS ACTUALLY THREE POINT ONE FOUR ONE FIVE NINE AND THEN A BUNCH OF OTHER NUMBERS!! GATO MEANS CAT IN SPANISH!!! PERRO MEANS DOG IN SPANISH! SAKURA DOESN'T KNOW SPANISH! AND!!" As Sakura continued her rant of random and mostly useless information, Itachi picked her up and dragged her back to Konoha. Gaara would have to if he wasn't pretending to be Sakura's backpack thinking, 'I am one with her backpack. I am one with her backpack. I am…'

Tsunade rubbed her temples. Saturday seemed so far away to her even though it was tomorrow. Reason being. It was only 2 a.m. in the morning. Only the second hour of the interval day and this much insanity…. Friday was going to be a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong day.

* * *

Sorry about the advertisement about powerpuff girls z but it was the first thing that I could think of… after all that other stuff… can I get at least one review? Pretty please? 


	10. Freakish Friday

Hello all! I really should update faster but… I don't. Anywho. I am holding up the cue cards myself because everyone else quit on me.. T.T by the by thanks to the people who do review my story! You are the joy of my existence on bad days!

* * *

I don't own Naruto nor do I own any other manga series unfortunately…

* * *

Tsunade stared at the clock hoping that someone out there loved her and would speed up time. But unfortunately for her no one did.

"Awww… that is the saddest story I have ever heard… :sniffle:"

"I wish I could help her."

"I can. Hello there! My name is Oprah and I have a bazillion dollars. I am going to grant your wish. What is your wish?"

"You go Oprah!"

"Yay for Oprah, you are a saint!"

"Run for president Oprah!"

'Holy crap.. where are those voices coming from?' Tsunade wondered as she looked around her office suspiciously. She sighed. "I think this Contest has made me paranoid."

"It has, Tsunade-sama."

"Thank you, Sakura." Tsunade did a double take. "SAKURA?!? Get out of my office! You're going to make the whole village insane! What are you doing here?"

"If that is how you really feel, I'll leave. Even though I was going to tell you about my treasure map! WAHHHH!!!" Sakura ran off crying dramatically.

"Eh?" Tsunade sighed. "She can't cause that much damage in one day. Can she?"

"Yes, she can. And for 5.55 I can follow her just in case."

"YOU?!?"

"Yes, me. Do you really have any other choice?"

"Yeah, there's Shikamaru, and Ino, and Tenten, and Hinata, and Neji, and-"

"Yeah, but will they get close to her without becoming insane?"

"No I suppose not, and it IS only 5.55. You've got yourself a deal."

"You won't regret this."

"Yeah, yeah, just get out of my office."

He disappeared into the shadows which was weird, because her office had been moved outside and it was noon, so no shadows were anywhere near there. Silently the stalker thought to himself. 'The poor Hokage, it is 5.55 billion dollars, you should always let people finish their sentences. Bwahahahahahahahaha'

* * *

Sakura by now had gotten to Lightning country. She had recruited only a few people, Gaara and Itachi(of course) Naruto, Kiba, and Ino to be a pack mule for everyone's stuff.

"Which by the way weighs a ton!" Ino said responding to my cue cards.

"Pack mules don't talk!" Sakura said as threw onto Ino's load which made Ino finally collapse.

"Can we please take a break?" Ino whined as she tried squeezing out from under the pile of stuff.

"NEVER!!"

* * *

Two Seconds Later and One Inch Farther

* * *

"I'm tired. Let's take a break!" Sakura whined. "That step took a lot out of me! Let's go to that randomly placed inn!" Suddenly lightning flashed across the sky, and thunder boomed continuously. The sky suddenly got cloudy and dark which is weird since usually the sky darkens and then lightning and thunder comes. The inn itself looked rather creepy and random howls and a random moon appeared out of nowhere. "It looks very inviting!" Sakura chirped.

As they entered.. rather encouraged… rather… nudged.. okay screw it.. Sakura threw all of them into the inn and then she walked in. "Well let's set up camp." Sakura said happily.

"But we're inside, forehead girl."

"Your point."

"We don't need to."

"Again your point?"

"Do you not get it?"

"Cheeze?"

"Are you insane?"

"Noodle?"

"Sakura, come on why?"

"Pollution."

"Why me?!?" Ino cried as she fell to the floor.

"Any one else?" Everyone just nodded and smiled.

"Tell me one thing!" Ino said hysterically.

"What?"

"Why did you make me carry and or need to bring: a picture of the forest, 25 frilly pink suitcases that weigh like a ton each, an exercise bike, a car door, a blank cd, a lawn mower, cat food, dog food, turtle food, fish food, bird food, squirrel feed, a hummingbird feeder, a birdhouse, a solid gold fidel, a giant blue hippo, a piece of paper in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box in a bigger box full of ten pound paper weights, the interweb, a five star hotel that is 13 stories, and 10,000 pieces of ten pound paper?!??" Ino gasped for air.

Sakura was suddenly in a judge's outfit. "People of the jury, this citizen is crimed of being naggy when obviously all of those things were needed. How does she plead?"

"Guilty." Said Kiba who was suddenly in a lawyer suit.

"Say what now?" Ino said now completely irritated. "Excuse I was completely irritated before!!" She said again responding to my cue cards….

"Now to elaborate which each item was meant for first item." Gaara and Itachi suddenly came out holding a picture of the forest. "This item was meant to calm the mind, because the forest is soothing to me. It's not like we're in the forest."

"But we are." Ino said being the only voice of reason.

"Oh my cow! It's a miracle!!" Sakura said as she suddenly kissed the ground and cried before getting up back to her judge's thing which I have no idea what it is called. "Now the next item was 25 frilly pink suitcases." Itachi and Gaara came in dragging it in because it was too heavy to lift.

"What are those things full of?!?" Ino said remembering the pain.

"My rock collection!" Naruto said, "I can't just leave my rock collection at home! Now can I?!? See this one's name is sally! Oh! And this one's name is sally! Oh and this one's name is Sally. Oh! And this one's name is sally. And this one's name is sally! And this one's name is Sally! And this one's name is sally! And this one's name is Sally! Oh and this one's name is Sally! And guess what this one's name is."

Ino looked annoyed. "I don't know John." Ino said trying to prevent a pun.

"No it's Sally! And this one's name is Sally! And this one's name is sally! And this one's name is sally! And this one's name is sally! And this one guess his name too!" Naruto said in excitement.

Ino sighed, "Sally?"

"No his name is Harry Sally sally sally chicken noodle soup pineapples shall rule the world I know my alphabet it is one, two, three, four five, six seven eight nine five thousand two hundred and eight one and three fourth hey look a distraction why is not eleven pronounced onety one and why are people chocoholics but chocolate is not called chocohol I have two coins and together they make thiry cents one of them is not a nickel pickle cheese noodle op penmanship that flew over my head pedro marcus Anastasia the third. And fourth." Naruto said smiling.

'When does that boy breathe?' Ino thought.

"He breathes when he is underwater. Isn't that obvious? It's just having a downstairs attic dungeon and having an upstairs basement dungeon duh!" Itachi said.

"Are you a mind reader?!?" Ino said in a amazement.

"Yes."

"So what am I thinking of now?"

"Yes."

"Excuse me?"

"Yes."

"I'm talking to an empty skull aren't I?"

"Yes."

"Does that really matter, Ino? Does it?!? Doesn't what really matter what's in our hearts?!? It doesn't matter if some people have an empty skull-"

"I resent that!" Itachi yelled.

"or if Gaara is scared of the dark-"

"Dark?!? Who said dark?!? I thought we killed him in our seventy seven point plan to kill it!?!?" Sakura and Gaara said together.

"or if Naruto doesn't breathe properly or if Sakura never actually finished her rant-"

"Oh my cow you're right! I should do that right now while you monologue about some after school special!"

"Now folks this is the hard part Kiba is always talking first. Sakura always has the second line. So have fun trying to keep each monologue straight! Suckers! Here we go!"

"Or that that voice came out from behind that tree or that that voice's-"

"The exercise bike was for super bob who I left at home. He's fat."

"hair looks like it could pop a balloon or that maybe this is all a dream"

"I mean really he looks like a fat cow. So I was smart enough to bring-"

"or if this is reality and we are all in denial or that two plus two might-"

"it with me so he could exercise at home. Next item is a car door. I bro-"

"equal forty seven or that some times people lose all sanity by writing-"

"ught that so if we get hot, I can roll down the window. Duh! Next item"

"at like twelve o'clock at night and your eyes burn or if you didn't eat"

"a blank cd to store the grass that the lawn mower cut! I killed two –"

"dinner so you are starving and you think you're seeing hallucinations of"

"birds with one stone! Eat that! I also brought all those kind of foods because-"

"random figures talking to you when no one is there or if you somehow like-"

"Mules are supposed to have mule food, that's why I brought cat, dog, turtle, fish-"

"giant blue hippos that eat your blankets and live under your bed or if the monsters-"

"bird, squirrel, and hummingbird food. I even brought a bird house for you to live in"

"under your bed threw a party and didn't invite you so you attacked them and now they-"

"I was thinking of others! I didn't know I could think at all! Gosh! Next item is-"

"are sueing you because you broke a couple of things even though technically you own-"

"a gold fidel, I brought it because my blue hippo likes to play it! Duh! He's French!"

"everything but they still win the case and now you live in a box in a can in another can"

"I brought the boxes and paper for the hotel because I accidentally used all of them the-"

"under the 101 freeway next to your friend's dad's job or if you attended hobo college"

"last time I visited so I decided to help them! I also brought them so they could relocate!"

"and flunk out because you used your book at a home or if you have a cheese wheel "

"The last item I just brought because I wanted to make life more difficult for you.. crap"

"in your house, it doesn't matter as long as we are together."

"I forgot the treasure map. Look it's night time! Let's go home!"

Ino's eye just twitched as she glared at the two of them. She muttered a rainbow of curse words as she picked up threw all of the stuff into a conviently placed river that wasn't there until a few seconds ago.

"Gosh Ino! You are so selfish! Way to go!" Sakura said as she picked up the stuff and with her super human strength threw them all the way to Konoha as if it were like a little pebble. "Why didn't you just ask me to carry it?!? It weighs like nothing to me! Gosh!"

Sakura then stormed off along with Itachi was mad at her for no real reason and Gaara who on Itachi's head saying, "I am one with his hat!" Even though Itachi wore no hat.

Kiba was in the five star hotel in Konoha already, so Ino was left alone in the dark.

"WAIT A SECOND!!!" Sakura shouted. "It ain't dark until I'm home and I have my night light! If you don't so help me I will –bleep- -bleep- and then you will –bleep-bleep-bleep-" We're sorry for the inconvience Sakura apparently has an extremely wide vocabulary. Anywho back to Sakura.

"So if you try to make it dark before we get home you will die!" Sakura shouted at the cue cards. You could almost feel the glares of anger from her and Gaara who was still on Itachi's head. So because of them that day lasted 32 hours, plus the extra 20 hours for not making it day so they could catch up on their sleep. So I lied, it was really a 52 hour long day… um Yay?

"Be more happy!" Gaara shouted.

"Have a congratulatory cookie!" The cue card read.

"Yay!"

And with that said, the poor girl who was reading the cue cards went to sleep and was glad that there is only one more chapter left to make cue cards for.

Yay! I finished the second to last chapter! Not including the epilogue.. if I did that means it would technically be the third to last chapter but still… did you all have fun trying to read the two monologues? Try reading them both together.. it sounds so funny… do it. Doooooo eeeeeeeeeeetttttttttttt! This chapter wasn't that great I know… blech.. don't blame me blame my body for not letting me think randomly at night.. I think by night time, I've exerted most of my random.. so I am calmish.. I love the suffix ish you can pretty much add anything to it! Random-ish! Yay-ish! Pineapple-ish! Gaara-ish! Come on! Do it with me! If you review with an –ish! I might actually update faster or like spotlight your ish word if it's really good and I haven't thought of it yet! My brain itches.

I tried to make Kiba more random since he was like a key component crazy in my last chap.. I had to.. it was like a necessity… anywho.. Please review! I'd love any critique or something really that lets me know someone reads my fic! Now to go to sleep! Yay! and Thanks for all the reviews again!! And I would have uploaded this last week but my computer wouldn't let me...


	11. Everyone Falls Under the Pressure

I haven't updated this story in so freaking long…. It's incredible…. Well I finally decided to update it and get one step closer to actually finish this story…. I digress Because I haven't updated this in so long and Naruto has progressed a bunch of characters should be gone from the Akatsuki but I'm not going to let them go because I stole the witch from Inuyasha who brought them all back to life and this way I kill two birds with one stone kikyou never comes back to life and I have my Akatsuki! Yay Me!! Anywho here goes.

* * *

I don't own Naruto if I did I'd have probably ended that whole fight with Pain and Jiraiya… because honest Konan, Itachi, and Sasuke must be standing behind a rock saying 'when the hell do we get our screen time back?!?'

* * *

The stalker/detective persony thingy stood in front of Tsuande's desk which has been cleverly renamed Tsunade's underwater evil lair as a parting gift from Sakura. Tsunade stared at the stalker/detective persony thingy who was stalking/ detecting persony thingies about Sakura and he stared back.

"I want my money." Tsunade nodded and brought out a large suitcase.

"It's all in there." The man nodded and opened it to find Barbie money. He touched it and screamed in pain.

"It burns!! It burns!!" His shadow disappeared and it was revealed to be none other than Sasuke otherwise known as the former rapper turned puddle formerly known as the puddle rapper who produced Gai and Lee's hit album and secretly produced a separate label for himself which failed. "How did you know it was me?!?" He pointed his finger accusingly at Tsunade.

"It was easy." Tsunade laughed darkly. "All I had to do was look outside my office." She turned her head and looked outside to see a fish swimming by. The two blinked. "Do you think Sakura just didn't rename it but move my office…."

"The answer to that is yes!" Sasuke shouted as he ripped off his face to reveal Hinata's face. "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHHA!!!!!!!" Hinata laughed evilly as random lightning flashed across the sky though you couldn't see it because they were currently underwater because Sakura cleverly renamed Tsunade's office 'Tsunade's evil underwater evil lair!' and secretly moved it without telling Tsunade or anyone else in the building for that matter.

"Words have great meaning." Shino said as he swam by in a ducky costume made of ducktape.

"You can breathe underwater??!" Tsunade screamed in shock.

"Who can't?" Hinata said as she appeared next to him with scuba gear breathing through an oxygen tank. So instead of actually saying 'Who can't?' It sounded more like 'Bubbles!! OH my freaking cheese monkies!! Bubbles!!' I'm such a great interpreter. :D

Tsunade stared at Hinata. "You have scuba gear!! Wait did I just understand that?!? I'm going insane with everyone else!!" She ran to her desk and hid underneath it and rocked back and forth singing to herself. "Row row row your boat gently down the stream…" Her eyes twitched. Hinata suddenly appeared into her office completely dry.

"That's right, I'm magic!" Hinata said as she smiled insanely and clapped. "Yay for me!!" Shino laughed but stopped when Hinata glared at him. "I wants to breathe underwater!"

"I'm breathing underwater?" Shino said as he looked inside the underwater building and then around him. Suddenly Sakura and Ino in mermaid outfits swam down to him and reached out their hand.

"Shino!! You're going to die! You need air!" He smiled as he reached up and grabbed their hands. Ino slapped him.

"Don't touch us!! We're magic! To the banishment closet!!" Ino shouted. Sakura nodded in agreement. They both picked up Shino in his duct tape ducky costume and threw him into Tsunade's office. Sakura and Ino climbed in as the water started to pour in.

"We're all gonna die!!" Sakura and Ino screamed as she ran around in a circle. The building was collapsing and Hinata was sitting in the corner drinking tea?

"What I need my mother $(#&$&$#(&(#&$(#$(&#) you got that you little #$&(#&(Y(URIOW(#." Sakura, Ino, Tsunde, Sasuke (which is weird cause he's still a puddle…), Naruto (who was trapped in Hinata's tea kettle….

* * *

.

_Flashback Sequence Opening to a day after Sakura's treasure incident before underwater Tsunade's evil lair…

* * *

_

"_**Wait!!"Shizune shouted as she entered as the room started to darken into flash back mode. "Tsunade did you pay the flashback bill?" Tsunade nodded. "With new cookie monster nightlights installments for the opening and closing so it won't be dark?!?" Shizune said as she sneaked a glance at Sakura who was currently in the process of going to break Shino because it was getting dark. Tsunade stared at her. **_

"_**Sure…" Tsunade said with a sweatdrop. She turned around away from them and took out a tape recorder "Note to self, add nightlight feature." Tsunade turned back to her and smiled. "I did."**_

"_**I'll trust you even though you just shouted that you didn't add it into the announcer." Shizune smiled and turned into a cat which proceeded to lick up Sasuke the puddle. "Proceed with the flashback!" Tsunade shouted.**_

_The screen went black before slowly lighting up to a scene of Naruto and Hinata sitting with Neji around a tea set. Suddenly Sakura came barging in.. wait Sakura wasn't there when this happened…_

_"Who the hell had enough guts to turn off the lights!!!" Sakura had Shizune the cat in her arms and pointed her like a gun at everyone. "I have a cat and I'm not afraid to use it!" Her eye twitched and Gaara appeared out of nowhere along with Itachi. _

_"Sakura, come with us!" Itachi said with a sweet smile. Sakura's eyes twinkled as she saw the cookie in Gaara's hand. _

_"I want it…" Sakura licked her lips. "Cookie…" Gaara dropped the cookie and got into a fighting stance. Sakura did the same only she dropped Shizune the cat. "KYAAA!!" Sakura said as she approached Gaara in slow motion. Gaara did the same. They jumped up into the air and approached each other in action poses in the the air only Gaara's weren't actiony… more like cutelike… Suddenly Naruto spotted the cookie and ate it in one bite. Gaara and Sakura's eyes twitched as the started to beat the hell out of Naruto before stuffing him into the tea kettle. They then proceeded to make a grave and bury the remains of the cookie. _

_"He was so brave…" Sakura said with a tear. Neji nodded his head._

_"Brave but stupid to try that…" He stared at the tea kettle._

_"I'm not talking about Naruto! I'm talking about Senor Cookie." Dramatic lights fell upon Sakura as a thunder noise affect came from nowhere and when I saw nowhere I mean Tobi accidentally hit the sound board. No the Akatsuki isn't still filming, Tobi just got left behind. Poor poor tobi…anywho back to the main thing._

_"Who?!?" said a bunch of random little Konoha ninja which included Hanabi, Konohamaru, and all of them. _

_"Senor Cookie." Sakura said as she now had a cape and an invisible false mustache._

_"Ahh!!" The children shouted in anticipation. Sakura started to sing the ballad of the Great Senor Cookie who was defeated by an evil blond demon, but in the end got punished by the Great Senor Cookie's little helpers who seaed the blond demon into the kettle of doom. _

_"Do you all want to be helper's of Senor Cookie?!?" Sakura said with stars in her eyes. _

_"Yes!" They all screamed and then Sakura started sticking chocolate chip cookie stickers on all of their foreheads. _

_"That is all!" Sakura threw down a smoke bomb and as it cleared she still stood there. _

_"Uh…" The kids said. Why the heck are they all in unison, you might ask. Because I says so, "BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!" Hinata said as she cracked under the pressure of all the insanity._

_Ending Flashback._

_"The heck you are!!" Sakura yelled as she started to threaten the screen. "Shikamaru!!" She pulled her hand and flipped through the fanfiction chapters to chapter one. "You!"_

_"What do you want now?" Shikamaru said lazily._

_"Give me a nightlight." She screamed. He tossed one to her and walked all the back to chapter one. _

_May I?_

_"You may."

* * *

_

_End of Flashback.

* * *

_

Everyone stared blankly at Hinata who seemed to have cracked under the pressure as such was happening to Tsunade's underwater evil lair.

"Shall we?" Sakura said.

"We shall." Hinata linked arms with Sakura and jumped into Tsunade's closet. Everyone just kinda stood there knee deep in water.

"Do you know what I figure?"

"No." Naruto said in a tiny voice as he was in a tea kettle.

"The insanity follows them and when they leave they'll trap us here forever!! Follow those insane girls!" Tsunade ran into her closet. Shizune turning back into a human scooped up puddle Sasuke and poured him into the kettle with Naruto before turning back into a cat and running after Tsunade. Ino shoved Shino into the closet and closed the door.

"Now I can be a free mermaid!" Ino said as she swam around before remembering she needed air and swimming to the surface where she found out she was in snow country. "…"

Tsunade looked around the closet there was a nightlight in the corner providing light thankfully keeping Sakura from going monster on her. There was a calendar and nothing else. "What happened to my sake supply in here?!?" She shouted as she looked around for it After all this was Tsunade's office closet.

"We had to make room for the secret tunnel back to Konoha." Hinata said with a smile.

"So we can finally end the contest. The trophies will be gone and the insanity will end. We'll be right on time for Saturday!!" Tsunade said as she cried tears of joy.

"Uh.. no." Sakura said as she grabbed the calendar. "See because I made Friday a 52 hour day we skipped Saturday and went straight to Sunday, in fact it's almost Monday since flashbacks take away 12 hours."

"They do?" Shizune the cat said.

"Yup, it's why they charge you money for it. It takes away a lot of time and energy." Sakura said with a sweet smile. "See the time space continuum opens up for a simple price of 12 bucks each buck is really an hour your are spending so basically it's like trading a chicken for a duck and making vegetarian pizza for the duck and chicken while swimming in a bowl of tomato soup crying 'WHY?!! WHY?!?! WHY DIDN'T I SWITCH MY AUTO INSURANCE?!?!' until you realize we ninja don't use cars and as such don't need auto insurance unless you mean carts and wagons." Everyone stared at her strangely.

"You know what I think I'll like living underwater…" Tsunade said as she tried to open the closet door. Okay that's an understatement she banged on the door with tears in her eyes screaming 'I'm going to die in here with them, open please!!' before using Shino's head as a door rammer which didn't work because not only did he have a duct tape ducky outfit he had became rubber like as the ducky itself. Weird… "NOO!!!!" She screamed.

Hinata just smiled happily. "Looks like we're locked in the closet of doom!!" She suddenly had flashlight and used it to look extremely evil.

* * *

That's right folks did you expect that/!?! Hinata and Shino finally cracked under the pressure of all the insanity and has joined the other ninja into crazy land!! Yay! I made a lot of grammatical errors so forgive me I was just trying to write a long update since I haven't updated in a very very long time. Well here it is. Review if you'd like. Flames are welcome. I think I've gone crazy myself : 


	12. THE END

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, if I did. Itachi would still be alive. Sasuke would be dead.

* * *

This is the final chapter to the Contest of Konoha. It isn't all that random and funny as the other chapters. No joke. It's just an end to it all.

* * *

Hinata sat still laughing with the flashlight when it ran out of batteries. "Huh… I'm out of crazy juice…" She suddenly calmed down and picked up the tea kettle which held no tea, but Naruto. "I think I'll have some tea to calm me down. Would anyone else enjoy some?" She smiled sweetly.

"YES!" Tsunade screamed with tears running down her cheeks. "Sweet flying molasses the effect of Sakura's crazy is losing potency!" She started to laugh hysterically and shake Shizune the cat. "We'll all go back to being normal! HAHHAHAHAHHAAH!" Her eye twitched. Suddenly everyone else in the room had on proper geisha attire for a tea ceremony.

"Who let the crazy person in?" Sakura said in a loud whisper towards Shino who no longer held his rubber potency.

"It was probably the cat. We'll have to throw her out." Itachi said who seemingly appeared in their circle of tea.

"How much tea would you like, Itachi oh master of the giant cheese flying monkies who rule the universe that is square and if anyone argues with that they are going down." Hinata said with a polite smile.

"All of it."

"Okay." Hinata started to pour, but nothing came out. "I'm so sorry… there was tea in here before… I've disgraced YOUR honor! I must go kill Tsunade to pay for my sin!"

"You said what now?!" Tsunade said suddenly snapping out of her hysterical laughter. "Oh shit. LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT!" She banged upon the door until finally it cracked. Two men stood at the door.

"Are you alright Tsunade-sama? You had an incredible dream and we had to detain you in this white room." The man said. Tsunade looked around the white padded room for crazy people.

"It was all a dream…. Really?" She nearly tackled the man. There were stars in her eyes. "All of it was a dream?! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAH." Tsunade laughed with a twitch in her eye.

"We're just going to leave you in there for a bit…" The same man said as he pushed her back into the white padded room.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH." She responded as she went into fedal position and rocked back and forth laughing hysterically.

"I think she's still dreaming…" The man said as he shut the door tight.

"Probably." The other guy replied. As Tsunade's hysterical laughs died down, she smiled in contentment.

"All of it a dream… a wonderful dream nightmare… HA Ha…." She slowly closed her eyes and reopened them to find Sakura, Hinata, Itachi, and Gaara all sitting in there with her having tea. "NO!" She screamed and started to pound on the door. The men just ignored her pleas.

"Now we can be together forever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever and ever." All four of them said as she cornered Tsunade. Her eyes were closed and her ears were covered.

"STOP!" She screamed.

"Okay." Sakura said nonchalantly.

"What?" Tsunade said with devastation in her voice.

"That's all you really had to say… jeez…" Hinata said as she brushed off some invisible dirt off of the kimono she still wore from the tea ceremony.

"Are you kidding me?" Tsunade's eye twitched with irritation.

"Do I ever kid or go insane for that matter?!" Sakura said with a sigh.

"Yes." Tsunade's eye twitched more.

"No, she doesn't." Itachi and Gaara said at the same time.

"See, they agree with me." Sakura ran a hand through her hair.

"I give up." Tsunade sighed.

"Okay, then." Sakura snapped her fingers and suddenly they were in Tsunade's office every messy paper not in it's place. Every normal thing correctedly normal.

"Yes, I know correctedly isn't a word… well guess what it is now!" Sakura said angrily at the invisible narration.

"Sakura." Shikamaru said as he popped his head through the window of Tsunade's office. "You're not allowed to respond to the narration."

"Yes, I can." She said as she accidentally pushed Shikamaru out of the window and to the ground.

"I'm okay." Shikamaru said as he got up from the ground with random civilians looking up at Sakura and at the fallen Shikamaru.

"You won't be!" She screamed just as she was about to jump out the window. Hinata grabbed her wrist.

"She said the magical word formed of the magical elves that make you cookies, and magical light makers that create a shining blob of light to scare away those dark dark flash backs scenes." Hinata was too late for Sakura had already jumped out the window and was chasing after Shikamaru with her deadly pillow of doom that had conveniently been dropped to her by Gaara and Itachi.

"Thanks for trying Hinata." Tsunade said with a sigh. "It's okay… I'll just wait a bit to distribute the prizes…." Tears were running down her cheeks. "I was so looking forward to having normal emo angsty Sasuke and emo happy Naruto and overly shy Hinata and overly self centered Ino and overly annoying Shino and creepily quiet Gaara and dangerous Akatsuki that didn't have multiple lines of things that Sakura advertises and a normal good apprentice Sakura…"

"That is so sad." Sakura said as she opened Tsunade's door with a nearly dead Shikamaru in her hand. "It reminds me of a song! Hit it!" Itachi and Gaara both hit the wall, and suddenly music started to play from out of nowhere.

"Didn't I say stop!?" Tsunade said as she banged her head upon her desk multiple times.

"You really shouldn't do that…" Hinata said with a sigh.

"Come on guys, it's time to go!" Screamed Deidara from outside the window. He and all the other Akatsuki minus tobi who still was left at the movie studio all alone, were riding on a giant clay bird thingy that will explode someday.

"Okay!" Itachi said with glee. "Ready guys?" Gaara and Sakura both nodded their heads vigorously with wild smiles. All three of them opened their mouths and started to sing a sweet poem,

"We're so glad

We've had our time together

Just to drop DDR on your head,

And stuff Naruto into a kettle pot,

But alas the contest ends." The three of them jumped onto the giant clay bird.

"YAY! I get to ride on a magical submarine!" Sakura said with stars in her eyes. "Where are the cookies? Submarines always come with cookies?!"

"This isn't a submarine." Deidara said with a sweat drop.

"I want a submarine!" Gaara said as a giant wave of sand started to come up. "Or else!"

"Or else what?" Deidara said who didn't see the wave of sand.

"I'll cry." Gaara said with a sniffle. "Sakura!" He said between hiccups of tears. He climbed onto her lap and sat there tears streaming down. "They want all the cookies for themselves!" Sakura's eye twitched.

"WHAT?!" They all started to bicker as they flew off into the sunset which caused the bird to blow up, because he was made of explosives.

"Disgusting mouth explosives!" Sakura said with a happy smile.

"What did I say about not responding to narration?" Shikamaru said with a half dead voice. A shoe out of nowhere hit him straight in the head.

"Don't start with me, pineapple head!" Sakura said with an evil glare that could seen around the world.

* * *

Two years passed by and things were pretty normal. Sakura and Gaara nearly blew up the Akatsuki hide out seventy six times. Tsunade went on vacation for a month to forget it all. Shizune had secretly sent out all the trophies the second day of the contest, but never told Tsunade, and Tsunade still doesn't know to this that, that the contest had been over for a long time before all that. Now the contest is but a legend Tsunade decided to hand down to the younger academy students as a joke… err. Warning.

* * *

"And that boys and girls is how I saved Christmas single handedly." Tsunade said as she finished her story about the Contest of Konoha to a bunch of small Academy kids. They all gave her a bunch of weird looks, but she didn't even notice.

"So whatever happened to the contest? Does it still go on." A young boy said with stars in his eyes. "It sounds like fun." Tsunade laughed merrily and patted the boy on his head.

"Hell no." She smiled and daintly head towards the door before turning to face them. "And if you try to start one, you'll be hit by lightning. Thanks for letting me visit, Iruka." Tsunade laughed as she walked out the door. As she went out of hearing range, that same small boy lifted up his hand.

"Yes?" Iruka said with an uneasy smile.

"Didn't that all just happen two days ago? I mean the whole contest ending? I saw that bird thingy just yesterday." Iruka just laughed uneasily and announced recess which distracted all the kids and made them all forget.

* * *

And so the story is finally done. There is nothing left to tell of the Contest of Konoha. It has finally ended. If you wonder why the narration lied to you, it is as simple as adding two plus two which of course equals smiely face which is the equivalent of a scissor pen made of candy which only means that the sky isn't blue but in fact a light shade of orange with hints of peppermint dates with cheese filled sunshine and between that is Gaara and Sakura having an epic battle over a giant cookie called the moon. I hope that explains everything.

* * *

It's finally over my friends... After never ever updating for evers and a day, I have finally finished a crack masterpiece. I don't think you'll ever read something like this again... I'm thinking of making a new fic... with Sakura and Gaara's adventures in the Akatsuki... but it's only a thought... I won't do it unless you people who surprsingly like this story want one. :3 okay's well this is the end.

Their poem is originally a song from the Animaniacs going like this,

"We're so sad we've no more time together.  
Just to drop an anvil on your head.  
Or stuff your pockets full of dynamite.  
And tie you to a rhinos head.  
Good night. Bu bye, Spoil your dinners!"


End file.
